A Colonel With a Heart of Gold: Maitengwe Trending Trending Stories

By Yours Truly
My deepest apologies, dear readers. This week’s edition was delayed because Yours Truly was out in the fields, wrestling with the soil and preparing for the new farming season. The cows refused to co-operate, the sun was too hot, and the maize seeds were giving silent attitude. In all this chaos, Yours Truly could not deliver your juicy weekly trending stories.
But fear not! The wait is over. Let’s dive straight into the ocean of drama that trended this past week.

SLIMMY THE STAR… AND THE SHOCKER
Last week, Yours Truly reported on Slimmy (By the way her real name is Bybit), the Mt Darwin schoolgirl who trended for all the good reasons.
Netizens showered her with love, donations, and even opened a Facebook page that sprinted to 183,000 followers faster than a Munenzwa bus fleeing police.
People promised to pay her school fees, uplift her life, build dreams… .then the husband entered the chat.
Yes.

Bybit is not just “a whole girl.”
She is “a whole mother” of a 3-year-old.
AND a second wife to a Madzibaba.
She got married at 15.
Yours Truly was stunned.
The Madzibaba reportedly stormed Harare, grabbed her like maize meal on a discount day, and whisked her back to Mt Darwin.
Harare 0 — Mt Darwin 1.
Police Zim… hero basa.
CID Mutorashanga, Yours Truly humbly recommends a small educational field trip.
Who marries a 15-year-old? Even the Constitution is shaking.
GRADUATION ALERT: CDS
Your Truly’s reliable antennas confirm:
Centre for Developmental Studies (CDS) will have its grand graduation on 12 December 2025, Bulawayo.
A big fish from the corridors of power will be the guest of hour, sorry of honour.
Dress like you’re meeting your future in-laws.

JOB SIKHALA, THE CASE THAT CONFUSES EVEN GOOGLE MAPS
The Wiwa faithfuls celebrated as Job Sikhala walked out on R10k bail courtesy of a Pretoria magistrate.
But the confusion?
HIGH DEFINITION.
First he says explosives were planted.
Then he says the explosives were ready to explode.
So… were they planted or waiting for New Year’s Eve?
If he was the target, why bail?
If he wasn’t, who was?
Your Truly reserves popcorn for February 2026.
We shall watch in 4K.
PROPHET MAGAYA, THE TRIAL OF THE YEAR?
Prophet Magaya also got bail, but ZRP quickly released a statement saying there were attempts to “compromise the judiciary.”
Compromise?
As in… cooking oil?
Brown envelopes?
Spirit mediums?
All Yours Truly knows is one thing:
Courts don’t eat cooking oil.
Is the prophet guilty?
We wait together, breathing in synchronised suspense.
WAGWIZI , JOHANNESBURG ALMOST COLLAPSED
Yours Truly attended the sold-out Wagwizi event at Ellis Park.
Jah Prayzah performed and the venue was so full, even mosquitoes struggled to find standing room.
Remember how the internet tried to cancel him?
Well, ladies and gentlemen:
The internet is not a real place.
Jah Prayzah proved it.
Even the Vice Captain knows that, that’s why he never panics when attacked by users named Snowyball, 404, The Champion, or Sabhuku.
ZAKA MIRACLE OR SPIRITUAL SCAM?
A man in Zaka picked a US$100 note in 2019.
That’s normal.
But since then, he has been picking a fresh US$100 every day.
EVERY. SINGLE. SUNRISE.
And now he’s seeking help?
My brother…
Help yourself.
Stop picking it. RUN.
If money is chasing you, sprint like someone avoiding lobola negotiations.
FOOTBALL GOSSIP – MABHURUGWA THE NEW CAPTAIN?
Word in the streets:
A certain Mabhurugwa has been scooped up by Zimbabwe Saints.
And with the current captain acting like he’s packing his bags, Mabhurugwa is walking around like the armband is already on preorder.
But let’s be honest, even Mpape (recently acquired), with his Madrid-level talent, is not captain in Spain.
So slow down.
Meanwhile, Mabhurugwa is cruising in Rolls-Royces on roads that need prayer, fasting, and civil engineering.
Yours Truly still backs the Vice Captain.
He plays silently, steadily, unshaken. Next week Yours truly will unpack the Adonijah in Mbhaurugwa.
But till then, we will clap for the real winner in 2027, not 2030.
Madam Colonel’s Golden Heart
Oh, by the way, Yours Truly stumbled upon a heart-touching scene on the streets, the kind that grabs your spirit by the collar and whispers, “Humanity still lives.”
It all began with Greatman, the disabled musician with a soul full of melodies and a life full of battles, reaching out for help from Madam Colonel. A simple request. A humble cry.
And then came the response — not in promises, not in loud speeches, but in action. Pure, golden action.
Madam Colonel didn’t just listen; she heard.
She didn’t just nod; she moved.
And her footsteps echoed kindness.
Before anyone could blink, 20 brand-new chairs were delivered… followed by a breathtaking donation of US$2,000.
Yours Truly was truly touched , deeply because while others are busy sending their favourites to go and see Victor , vulnerable are looking for wheelchairs. ..Life.
And that donation? Ah, it speaks louder than any overflowing bank account. It is not just money, it is love in motion. It is genuine giving, the kind that pours from someone who may not have much, but whose heart refuses to live small.
Meanwhile, others are out there throwing money around like cornflakes, day in, day out, with no substance, no soul. But Madam Colonel? No. She gave with intention, with dignity, with heart.
Well done, Madam Colonel.
The heavens are watching.
So is Yours Truly.


DUBAI COURT DRAMA , LOVE COST HIM 3 MONTHS
In Dubai, a young man has been sentenced to 3 months in jail for sending love messages to a married woman.
Plot twist:
The woman was acquitted.
No proof the accounts were hers.
The husband found the love messages.
Investigators found “emotional photos.”
The man confessed.
But he said he thought she was divorced and wanted to marry her.
The court simply said:
“Sir… jail please.”
Phone confiscated.
Moral lesson of the week:
If you don’t know her marital status, ask twice.
If she hesitates — run faster than Zaka man’s money.

Yours Truly bows out.
But worry not — next week promises more chaos, more national confusion, more love triangles, more betrayals, more Maitengwe madness.
Stay tuned.
Stay hydrated.
And please…
Stay out of other people’s marriages.