Maitengwe Weekend Trending Stories: ‘Gore rino kuchamhanyiwa’

Happy New Year, bomkhaya!
After a long, unannounced break, a proper sabbathical, the kind even HR didn’t approve, Maitengwe Weekly Trending Stories is finally back.
No press statement, no countdown, just boom , Yours Truly has returned.
The holidays are over.
Januworry has arrived. We dust ourselves up and start hustling again until December, when we all magically remember our villages and suddenly “retire” there to reconnect, recharge, and pretend we missed home.
But ahhh… for most of the ama 2K, it’s not about reconnection, it’s about showing off.
Village dust must appear on Instagram. Fields must be photographed. Cows must be tagged.
Maka kura, nazwo izvi, zvoshamisa chii nhasi?
What exactly is impressive about taking selfies where you once cried herding goats?
Why are we shocked by where we come from?
Funny enough, our holidays are village-bound, while varungu retire to Victoria Falls, Bali, or “somewhere quiet.” But it’s okay , these villages are ours, our inheritance, our Wi-Fi-free resorts. No booking.com required.
Anyway , welcome back, dear readers, to the year of reading. Let’s talk.
Lets start in Guruve: The news everyone has been whispering about: the Guruve serial killer has finally been arrested, after allegedly murdering 19 people. It took the army to track him down and hand him over to authorities.
Now here’s the million-dollar question:
The death sentence was abolished. So what happens now?
Nineteen life sentences?
How many lives does one man have?
What does “justice” even look like in a country where death is illegal but living with trauma is permanent?
At least tonight, people in Guruve can sleep again.
And to the departed, rest in peace. May justice not forget you.
In other news, Yours Truly was in Beitbridge nearly lost his sanity.
Trying to cross into the other land where there is no milk and honey , I witnessed biblical scenes:
Thousands of Zimbos.
Endless queues.
Children growing beards at the border.
It took me 18 HOURS to cross.
Eighteen.
Hours.
The announcement that authorities want to turn Beitbridge into a one-stop border post is not just welcome, it is urgent. Borders should separate countries, not test human endurance.

Also Trending this week, IShowSpeed was in the country, and wow… what an experience.
The biggest lesson?
Even celebrities have celebrities.
Some well-known faces struggled to get his attention, only to realize that fame has levels.
But respect where it’s due, the guy is talent, energy, and chaos wrapped in Wi-Fi.

In the spiritually world, the year has just started, which means men of God have clocked in.
Prophecies are flying.
Analysis is masquerading as revelation.
And the streets have agreed on one mysterious phrase:
“Gore rino kuchamhanyiwa.”
But who is running?
Running where?
Running from who?
Adonijah here? Or another one loading?
Only time will tell , and Yours Truly is safely observing from the Middle East.
THE BIGGEST STORY OF THE WEEK: A sitting president was allegedly snatched from his own house, in his own country, by a foreign power.
Yes you heard right.
Maduro.
Taken.
By the US Army.
Let’s ask the uncomfortable questions:
• Who kidnaps a sitting president?
• Is sovereignty optional now?
• Are African leaders safe in their own bedrooms?
• Does international law still exist or is it a suggestion?
• Was Hitler writing Paper Two and forgot to submit it?
• Are we ruled by superpowers or school bullies with aircraft carriers?
• If this can happen to him, who is next?
• Are our modern-day Munhumutapas protected or just waiting their turn?
And yet these are the same powers who lecture the world about human rights, democracy, and rule of law.
So whose law applies ? Theirs or everyone else’s?
Well… enough for this week.
Yours Truly is still nursing a hangover, the service is officially over, and reality resumes next week.
Stay safe. Stay curious. Ask hard questions.
✍???? Yours Truly is Out