The Vice Captain in uniform: Maitengwe Weekend Trending Stories — With Yours Truly

By Yours Truly
Molweni, Mabuyani, Muribwanji!
It’s another weekend, and another edition of your favourite trending stories with Yours Truly.
The Vice Captain and The Uniform
Earlier this week, the Vice Captain appeared in public, in full uniform, but without the armband. No speech, no slogans, but strong hand gestures. He simply arrived, stood there, and let the uniform deliver the sermon of the day.
But ah, ladies and gentlemen, the uniform refused to be silent.
No, it did not whisper… it performed. It reminded everyone gathered and even those pretending not to care that it was the uniform, not the politics, not the praise-singing, not the empty slogans, that carried them to where they are.
The uniform politely tapped the Captain on the shoulder and said, *“Remember, when you were chucked out like old leftovers? Who negotiated your comeback? Not your fans. Not your speeches. *Me , the uniform.”
Then it turned to Kazembe Kazembe and crew those who now sing hymns for “vanenge vachipo” and whispered, “Before you became praise-singers-in-chief, who dragged you into the limelight? Who gave you stage access? Me again, the uniform.”
The uniform didn’t stop there. It winked at Themba Mliswa or is it Miswa ? It reminded him that while he loves to say 2017 was a “collective effort,” that collective effort was more collective when the uniform arrived.
Without the uniform, that effort would still be somewhere collecting dust.
And finally, to Mabhrugwa Adonija, the uniform said:
“Mukuru, even if your bank balance is now doing weight-lifting at the gym, buying this and buying that, you still can’t buy me. I am not Econet airtime. I am not a second-hand Benz. I am priceless. I came from the trenches of Mgagao, Chimoio, and Freedom Camp in Zambia. My value was paid in sweat, sacrifice, and history, not swipe, tap, or EcoCash.”
In the end, the Vice Captain didn’t say a word.
He didn’t need to.
The uniform had already delivered the message:
Respect the cloth. It built you before you built your profiles.
Still on Mabhurugwa, rumour has it that he is in shock after whispers circulated that thought he might be the one anointed by the team captain, other team players are also sharpening their ambitions and are prepared to make him sweat.
It is game on.
Meanwhile, the Vice Captain has been playing more international fixtures lately. The last time Yours Truly checked, the Vice Captain was spending more time on international grounds shaking hands with dignitaries far beyond our borders, attending summits, and quietly building alliances that might just change the winds back home.
Whether these international games mean he’s strengthening his footing or simply buying time from the heat of local politics, only time will tell. But one thing is clear: nothing is ever straightforward in this political season. The field is open, the players are restless, and the turf keeps shifting with every whisper, handshake, and photo-op.
Presidential Gesture to People with Disabilities
This week, Yours Truly smiled as the President gifted vehicles and wheelchairs to citizens living with disabilities. A commendable gesture that we hope will lead to stronger policies supporting people with special needs across the nation.
Credit must also go to Madam Colonel, who earlier gifted musician Greatman with donations that touched many hearts. Now the highest office has stepped in as well — a sign, hopefully, that no one should ever be left behind.
To those saying it’s a competition: ahh ngokwabo lokhu. Yours Truly will not be dragged into that debate.
Now let’s talk about mkomana. Surely, it’s been ages since the young man went on his first-ever political sabbatical, the first one in the entire history of politics.
Who else do you know who clocks out of politics like it’s an office job? “Out of office: Will return after deep rest.” Iconic.
But that’s not even the story.
This week, news flew that mkomana was somewhere in America studying.
And honestly, what’s wrong with studying? Books don’t bite. But apparently, this report did not land well with many. To them, it appeared as if mkomana had dumped his loyal supporters for a cleaner, colder America where there is no Sengezo Tshabangu lurking in the shadows.
Then because politics is a comedy series with no commercial breaks, things escalated.
Whether by divine design, personal wisdom, or a slight shortage of advisors, mkomana posted a video of himself appearing to be in a Zimbabwean supermarket, being mobbed by supporters.
The internet exploded.
To his supporters, this was the Gospel of Saint Mkomana: confirmation that he had not abandoned them, that he was still with the masses, still one of them.
But internet detectives, armed with data bundles and too much free time, quickly cracked the case.
The video?
Not current.
Not new.
But a 2024 classic. Vintage content.
Whether mkomana posted it deliberately, accidentally, or simply wanted to season his timeline with nostalgia, that one is for you to speculate over your evening tea.
Shelton Mahlangu, political editor and part-time philosopher, writing on ZimEye summarised the whole saga in one killer line:
“In politics, perception is reality’s close cousin. And in the vacuum left by a lack of direct communication, perception hardens into doubt.”
And surely, right now, only perception is lef.
Grade Seven Results: Flexing or Celebrating?
Grade Seven results are out, and as expected, social media timelines are exploding. Parents are posting statuses, screenshots, and certificates -flexing their children’s achievements for the whole world to see.
But here is a little word from Yours Truly: dzimwe njendo taurirai madzoka. Sometimes, celebrating quietly at home is enough. Not every achievement needs to be amplified on social media where the environment can be harsh, competitive, and unforgiving.
Still, congratulations to all Grade Seven learners for completing one of the longest and most demanding phases of our education system. Remember, our 2-7-6-4 model is not a small journey.
Chiredzi Tragedy: A Sad Story
We move to Chiredzi, where a heartbreaking case shocked the nation.
Police arrested 35-year-old Fadzai Geviza of Fair Range, Mkwasine, for allegedly killing her three-year-old daughter in an attempt to pave the way for marriage with a new boyfriend who reportedly refused to marry a woman with a child.
Authorities say the suspect initially gave conflicting stories ,blaming unknown attackers, then claiming natural causes. Suspicion arose during burial preparations when mourners noticed a deep cut on the child’s neck. This led to the involvement of ZRP Mkwasine and her subsequent arrest.
National police spokesperson Commissioner Paul Nyathi confirmed the ongoing investigations.
Killing a child just for marriage? A tragedy beyond words.
Frets at State House — But What About the Rest of the Comedy Cabinet?
This week, our beloved Frets made a grand appearance at State House where he walked out not only with Presidential handshakes, but also with a Honda Fit and a crisp US$1000.
Lovely. Beautiful. We clap hands. Zvakanaka.
BUT, and it’s a big but , Yours Truly has one small question that has been scratching my spirit like a chicken digging for maize:
‘Ko vamwe’? Nyari, Mai Ropa and Baba Ropa (aka Slick Pastor), Dan Grego, Senzeni, the Legends — Madlela, Mahlalela, Omkhula in Bulawayo, Slimmie in Redcliff, and many others from Maitengwe Via Dombodema to Nyamapanda via Mudzi.
Comedy is now national service, after all because Zimbabweans are suffering from the ‘ Vanenge Vachipo’ crusade.
Anyway, congratulations to Frets- and Mr President Sir, can we open the borders of recognition? Distribute the laughter allowance more evenly?
Zandile Dabula Dudula gets Facial Cleansing
Before we call it a day and prepare for Sunday Service, let’s quickly deal with the trending madness happening outside our borders, because Africa never disappoints.
We start with our neighbours, and as usual, we have in the house our very own Sis uZandile Dudula, who this week got a free “facial cleanse” from the South African police, pepper-spray edition.
She and her party were busy protesting during the G20 summit. Apparently, she’s upset because the President refused to host them. Eish.
But honestly, Dudula, how do you want to be hosted in your own country?

Anyway, the juicy part is that during the chaos, some arrests were made and one man, Peter Dimba, the Deputy Chairman, was taken in only for the nation to discover that the guy is not even South African. Just like his leader!
Your Truly is informed that Mr. Dimba is actually from Zambia.

Now, sticking to Africa, and doing what Africa does best: Coups.
Yes, sisters and brothers, there’s a fresh one in Guinea-Bissau, probably the 10th in the last 5 years. At this rate, they should just put “coup experience required” on job applications. Something is clearly wrong with our democracy; it’s coughing, wheezing, and needs prayer.
So, what happened?
Horta Inta-A decided to inaugurate himself a day after soldiers gently “escorted” the civilian leadership out, swift power grab, just before election results were announced.

In his statement, he said the country faced threats from politicians and drug barons. He gave no details, because in Africa, details are optional.
The new military government has announced a one-year transition, because military transitions always come in neat 12-month packages.
That’s it for the weekend Trending Stories From Maitengwe..
Lesson of the week: If you forget who built you, the cloth will gladly remind you, loudly, proudly, and without needing a single slogan., Respect the UNIFORM. It built you before you built your profiles.
Until next weekend, stay safe, stay kind, and stay informed.
Yours Truly, signing out.