I was pushed too far: Slimmy - Maitengwe Weekend Trending News with Yours Truly

By Yours Truly
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, cats and dogs, and those who simply scroll for drama and hate, welcome.
What a time to be alive! Yours Truly is back again with another interesting edition of Maitengwe Weekend Trending News, where we sip the hottest news of sarcasm and a dash of holy laughter.

Our viral sensation of the week needs no introduction; it is a video that has traveled faster than gossip at a family funeral. In it, a young girl is seen being bullied by a group of cheerleaders who clearly mistook cruelty for choreography.
Now, this girl, whom Yours Truly affectionately calls Slimmy (because the bones are few but the courage is many) , was dragged, mocked, and tested beyond measure. But every saint has a breaking point! And lo and behold, Slimmy flipped the script like a Pentecostal preacher on Sunday. One minute she was calm, the next, boom, the bully was on the floor, beaten, broken, and baptized in humiliation.
Oh, what a happy ending! Yours Truly just loves a story where the quiet one turns out to be the storm. And the twist? That video was from 2022! Since then, our dear Slimmy dropped out of school due to financial struggles, but grace found her. The internet aunties and uncles poured blessings like rain in December. She is now heading back to school, stronger and sponsored!
Moral of the story: Don’t poke the quiet ones. When they fight back, even the Wi-Fi connection trembles.
Now, speaking of young people, Yours Truly stumbled upon a headline that made me choke on my sweet tea. A 16-year-old girl has been crowned the youngest CEO in town, running a taxi fleet called Tap & Go. Inspirational? Maybe. Suspicious? Most definitely.
I mean, how does a teenager run a whole transport company legally? Under what act? On whose funds? Did the angels invest? Yours Truly won’t point fingers, but whispers in the wind say she’s the daughter of a certain “advisor” with very deep pockets and even deeper connections.
Hmm... I’ve seen this movie before. Remember Gushungo Dairy? Once the pride of the First Republic, until eviction came like a ZESA blackout. Yours Truly is just a patient hater waiting for the sequel.

Ah yes, let us turn to the Lord’s department. A certain man of God was arrested this week , right in the middle of fasting, no less! Social media comedians had a field day, but Yours Truly refuses to join the mockery brigade.
Even Joseph had a mugshot, my friends. If Bible history teaches us anything, it’s that persecution comes before promotion. So, man of God, hang in there! Yours Truly is rooting for you while sipping consecrated water.
And to the critics who think they are deputy Jesuses, calm down before you end up like Zandile Dudula, who recently went off-script on national TV and is now trending for all the wrong reasons.
Speaking of our sister Zandile, the South African courts have officially declared her organization... illegal! Yes, folks, emotions may win Twitter battles, but laws win courtrooms. South Africa said, “We are not run by vibes, we are run by the Constitution.”
So, Sister Dudula, the court hath spoken — sit down and reflect.
Now, brace yourselves, Job Wiwa Sikhala has been arrested again. Add one more to his impressive record, over 70 arrests and still counting. But this time, it’s in South Africa, and the reason? Explosives found in his car!
The charge sheet reads like an action movie.
• Prosecution says: “Caught red-handed.”
• Wiwa says: “I was framed.”
• Public says: “He’s innocent!”
• Yours Truly says: “Let’s wait for Monday.”
Because until the court speaks, all we have is popcorn and speculation.

And that, dear readers, wraps up another rollercoaster week in the land of trending madness. From bullied warriors to blessed hustlers, fasting prophets to fiery politicians, the moral remains:
Don’t push people too far. Even the quiet ones can fight back — and when they do, run for your Wi-Fi!
Till next week, Yours Truly is signing off, still sipping tea, still minding my own business, and still shouting…
Hallelujah!