Four Fined for Beating Up Slow-Paying Brother-in-Law in Cowdray Park

By Staff Reporter
It was not your usual day in Cowdray Park, no cows, no elders, no love songs.
Just four angry in-laws, a snooker table, and one unlucky groom-to-be who learned that lobola debts can have real-life installments… on your face!
According to court records that read more like a family comedy script, Silence Maboda (23), Motion Maboda (20), Gerald Mupatsi (23), and Pardon Manzvidza (20) decided they had waited long enough for their brother-in-law, Cosmas Utete (27), to “honor his cultural obligations.”
The group was reportedly chilling by the Cowdray Park signpost, playing snooker and minding everyone’s business but their own, until the topic of lobola came up. That’s when the match turned from 8-ball pool to 8-hand brawl.
“Why are you taking centuries to pay lobola for our sister?” one of them is said to have shouted before the four transformed into unpaid debt collectors. Witnesses say Utete was slapped, punched, and given an involuntary dance with gravity as bystanders watched in disbelief and probably took mental notes for future family disputes.
Utete, nursing a swollen eye and a bruised ego, went straight to the police instead of the family WhatsApp group. The in-laws were swiftly arrested and hauled before Western Commonage magistrate Jeconia Prince Ncube, who probably wondered if the accused thought “installment plan” meant “install fists.”
Justice was served and this time, not with traditional beer. The four were fined US$150 each, payable by December 5, or else they’ll spend three months behind bars reflecting on how not to mix lobola with boxing practice.
Magistrate Ncube gave them a stern lecture, reminding them that lobola discussions belong around the family fire, not in the fight club.
Meanwhile, social media could not help but burst into laughter. Memes flooded timelines one user wrote, “These guys must have thought the lobola came with a penalty shootout!” Another added, “Next time, send the cows, not the fists.”
As for Utete, he’s probably checking his savings right now — because in Cowdray Park, love may be blind, but in-laws definitely are not.
Source: B Metro